Monday, April 30, 2012

Crap My Friends Say

It's the last week of the year and I've been keeping a running tally of strange/hilarious things that my friends have said throughout the year. Here are some of the highlights. All names have been removed to protect the funny.

"If I was white, we wouldn't be having this discussion!"
"You are white!"
"I am pale! I am not white!"

"I'm so mad I could punch a duck."

"Do you want to see a pregnant fish?"

Professor: "This is a chicken and egg situation."

"Now if a baby says 'gaga' can that be considered a word?"

"Well, the whole theory of the velociraptors..."

"Hey, do you guys want to come dance in the rain with us?"

"There is a dirt road. Ergo you live in the boondocks."
"I do not live in the boondocks!"
"There's dirt!" ... "There's trees!"

"I thought you were going to say you like the sounds you make when you're in pain and that's a very sketchy thing to say."

"Those girls over there are having an epic argument. About Chinese people. And how they cook their food."

"Did you know if you lick someone's elbow, they can't feel it?"

"That's such a boondocks thing to say."

Random girl outside: "Squirelly, squirrely, squirrely! I'm gonna get you!"

"I just want to go to the store and buy the most awkward combination of items possible."
"What do you mean awkward?"
"Like KY and a watermelon."
"You should buy a box of condoms and a bunch of bananas."

"Don't sit next to me, I have the plague!"
"We share a bathroom!"

*singing* "Taking out the trash! Taking out the trash! At night!"
"It's not nighttime, people!"

"I'm really tempted to look up pictures of squirrels."

*watching The Little Mermaid* "Oh my gosh, it's like the Titanic!"
"Except with a little more rock and a little less iceberg."

Random boy: "HEY, TOMMY!" *looks in completely other direction as he walks to door* *freezes when he looks in*
Class: *stares*
Boy: "Wrong class. Sorry."

"I'm wearing my pajamas bottoms as a scarf."

"I'm not going to blow your eyelash."

"I make all laws regarding cows."

"You are not naming a cow after my daughter and I am not naming a daughter after your cow so therefore they will never have the same name."

"You don't know what a powwow is?"
"Is that where you punch puppies?"

"Hey! These are the socks we sword-fought with yesterday."


LM Preston said...

This is funny, because if my friends realized the goofy things they said I think they would laugh but wouldn't be happy with me for pointing it out.